What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
