Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Houston, we have a squirter
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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