how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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