That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
