anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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