god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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