what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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