Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
