Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
