everyone is single if you try hard enough
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
