Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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