He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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