The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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