Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
