He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
