FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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