my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
