Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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