My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
