i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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