no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
