he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
