I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
