I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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