dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
