you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you would pick up someone in the library
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
