He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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