i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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