So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
