Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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