I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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