so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
