The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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