At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize