Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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