Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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