i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
