yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
