I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
