just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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