This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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