i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
