I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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