this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
