I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
