I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
