you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Who died my cat blue again?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize