She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
