Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
