i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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