Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
