I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
