Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
