I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
