I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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