I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
