Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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