the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
