im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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