I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
