My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize