I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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