Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
