Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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