FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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