i wish there were pregnant emoticons
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
