My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
