Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
