I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
