You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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