I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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