:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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