life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
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