What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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