oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I AM VODKA MAN
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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